A King that is not yet King
by St.Alya
Summary: His braids showed to whoever wanted to see that he was having a forbidden love affair. Kili's lack of braids concealed their resignation to family and duty.


**Hello again! This was written for a prompt on Hobbit Kink Meme: "**_**The styles/numbers/location of braids have hidden meaning for dwarves as they speak of things like if somebody is already taken, looking for someone, what they are looking for, what they are offering etc. Just like the hanky code. Make it as vanilla or as smutty as you want, all I ask is that it has Fili :)**_**"**

**So I took the opportunity to write another Fili/Kili because there still aren't enough of them!**

**This can be seen as sequel to 'Linguistic Mysteries', but I am posting as a separate fic because it is not on Bilbo's POV. :)**

**I hope it is what was requested. I'm not sure if I gave enough emphasis on the braids…**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

A king that is not yet king

"So tell me, what's with all those braids?" the Halfling asked him one night.

Fili looked at him from the corner of his eyes, somewhat surprised that the hobbit was engaging conversation with him. The little fellow had been extremely upset after they had thrown a little prank at him on the way down from where the eagles had left them, and had not directed a word at him and Kili for the last three days. A few seconds watching his face, though, told him that he was truly curious.

"What about them?" he turned to face him better, abandoning his comfort position leaning against a tree trunk. Bilbo sat cross-legged in front of him, expectant.

"Well… you all seem to put some effort into… braiding. At first I thought it was just vanity, but I can't picture any of you being vain, so… Why?"

Fili took a deep breath and thought about the answer. Braiding was an important part of the dwarf community. It would be hard to explain it for one of another race – especially a race that apparently had no beard.

"Do hobbits have some sort of hierarchy? Like important leadership figures?" he opted to thread the easiest part. Power. The most basic definition of a braid significance. Power over something. Or someone. His eyes trailed through the camp until he found his possessions, then returned to look at the hobbit, waiting for his answer.

"Yes, yes we do. We have the Mayor. And some important family patriarchs." Bilbo said "Your braids show your status, then?"

"Yes and no. It's very complex." Fili couldn't help but chuckle at the way the hobbit frowned in confusion "Our braiding traditions range many aspects of the dwarf society. Indeed, braids can be used to measure a dwarf's rank and line of work, but that will depend on the size, position and technique used. I suppose you have noticed that some of us have braids on the hair and others don't."

"And some of you have braids on your beards and others don't."

Fili nodded. It seemed that Master Baggins was quick to learn, that made things easier.

"Braids on the hair have more variety of meaning. Twin long, thin braids at the side of your head, falling from behind the ears, tell of a dwarf's right to claim land."

He chose to leave the explanation there and see if the hobbit could work it out on his own. Fili could almost see the cogs working and had to hide a smirk. And it might end up being rather amusing as well.

"Thorin's braids!" Bilbo said at last, inclining towards him with a satisfied look at his own intelligence "They show his right to claim back Erebor. But how can you know that it is Erebor just by looking at it?"

Fili rolled his eyes "I said it is complex, but a braid is not the equivalent of a herald that has to announce everything that you are just by looking at you. Thorin's twin braids behind the ear show his right to claim something. When people look at his face and at his oaken shield, they know what that something is."

He watched as the hobbit digested this new information. Briefly, he wondered if it was about time he braided these blasted land claiming braids… At the rate things were going… With the way that Thorin-without-sons was having brilliant ideas of facing Azog alone…

Fili held back a sigh. He had the right to braid them in his hair. Durin's blood flowed in his veins. If something happened to Thorin, then he was next in line to be King of Durin's Folk and restore the title of King Under the Mountain to their line. Yet, he didn't want this responsibility. When life gave you something precious, it would take something back in return. Fili was not sure that he was ready to give up his own treasures in favor of the Mountain. Once more his eyes searched for his possessions on the camp.

"I see… Interesting. And what about braids that fall from the back of the head? Like Ori's and Nori's?"

"Those mean knowledge of some kind. Official knowledge, that is. The number of braids on the back of your head is equivalent to the number of times you've been an apprentice of an older and more experienced dwarf. So when you claim to know about something, the other dwarves can have some way to trust you. The complexity of it indicates how long you remained under tutelage and how much your master appraised you. The designs of these are invented by your master especially for you, so they are always unique." Fili explained, suddenly feeling as young as the others made a point of reminding him he was. The bitterness of an old family quarrel with his mother coming back to his memory.

He had no braids of that kind… He would have, but apparently being a humble apprentice did not befit an Heir of Durin. Sometimes he thought that his mother forgot they had to eat, and their rightful treasure was under a big flying lizard in the east. He and Kili had managed to learn the work of a forger from Gloin, but the lack of apprentice braids on the back of their heads had forced them to offer the lower prices in Ered Luin. Because that was so much more befitting of Heirs of Durin…

"Oh, so that explains the three lumps on Nori's hair!" the hobbit exclaimed happily, getting a chuckle out of him.

Fili leaned closer in a conspiratory way, and whispered when Bilbo leaned closer as well. "Rumor has it that his master was drunk when he declared Nori ready. But then again, he should have thought better before becoming an apprentice of an ale maker."

The fit of laughter that assaulted the hobbit lifted his spirits a bit, sending those bitter memories away. He had been able to keep him and his younger brother fed and strong, that's what mattered.

"And I bet Ori was an apprentice of a dwarf writer?"

"Aye. The finest scribe in Ered Luin, the one who wrote down the events of Erebor and Azanulbizar. He taught Ori everything there is to know about dwarf history. I heard even the elves have read his accounts of our tales."

Bilbo's eyes widened, and he looked at Ori, writing quietly by the fire. Surely he was giving him new credit. Fili smiled. It was good to know that the hobbit was recognizing that their race was more than ax and hammer.

"Dori doesn't have those. His braids surround his head in a difficult pattern." The Halfling turned to him again, an expectant glow in his eyes, wanting to know more and more.

"Braids that surround your head, like Dori's, mean that you are the patriarch of your family. Or at least, the one that brings sustainment and order." He answered, biting back a smirk at the image of Kili doing that in his hair the day they had left their mother's house, as a joke.

"Oh. But… but Thorin doesn't use these. I mean, I was led to understand that—"

"This specific type of braid does not apply to royal families. For that he has a crown." Fili interrupted him, almost wincing at the way he had sounded harsh. He loved and admired Thorin as much as he loved his sad mother, the fact that he was here ready to fulfill this dreadful duty was proof enough, but that didn't mean there weren't days in which he and Kili had needed the _uncle_, not the king. "The people must come before the family for a king."

How on earth Fili was going to deal with that when the time comes, he doesn't know. He does know that he should feel ashamed of the dark desire that Smaug had destroyed everything, turned the whole Mountain into a valley, instead of just stealing it. His own braids refrained him of doing so, however, for that was hardly the most sinful of his secrets.

The Halfling seemed taken aback by this explanation for a moment. There are no kings and dragons on his Shire, so Fili does not expect him to understand. But when a sympathetic look is cast on his way, he feels slightly uncomfortable. What could Bilbo Baggins know about such things?

The hobbit clears his throat and continues with his questioning.

"Bombur's braid is huge. I don't even understand where it starts and where it begins." His voice low because said dwarf was only a few paces away from them.

"That braid… that braid means that you've lost your companion." Fili answered in a low voice as well "You start it at the base of your head and throw it around your neck. As long as one mourns for the lost love, that part of the hair is never cut shorter."

The look on Bilbo's face was stunned. He stole a quick glance on Bombur's way before asking.

"Bombur was… married once? How… how long has he been mourning for his love?"

"Ever since a dragon decided to make his nest in Erebor." Fili answered darkly, trying to avoid thoughts of his blond hair thrown around his neck as a possible result of that damned quest. He remembered all too well the pain in his mother's eyes every time she tugged at her own long blond braid, so long now that it circled her waist much like Bombur's. Fili touched his moustache and sighed, not caring for what it could look like. Bilbo still had not asked about beard braids, anyway.

They remained in silence for a while. The hobbit didn't seem to find their braiding traditions so amusing anymore, but there was true emotion in his eyes. Fili felt himself warm up a bit more to him. Despite the constant complaining, the hobbit could understand that they had feelings after all.

Then he noticed the halfling's hands suddenly gripping each other, his stance suddenly becoming a bit nervous.

"Well and… what about… what about Bofur's braids? He has only two, that use all of his hair.

Fili felt himself smile immediately. So that was the reason behind all that curiosity, wasn't it? Indeed it was strange that Bilbo had come to ask _him_, instead of Bofur, who usually answered all of his questions. He had been even teaching Iglishmek to the hobbit! The Halfling probably already suspected that braids could have very important meanings and didn't want to risk making offense to Bofur.

"You could have asked me that right away, you know. There was no need to endure endless explanations of dwarf tradition for the meaning of _his_ braids." Fili smirked at him, as the little creature blushed and stammered unintelligible things.

"N-No! I… I really was c-curious! About everything, that is. About Bofur, too. And—" Bilbo finally managed to let out, but then stopped and looked at him "What do you mean by not needing endless explanations of dwarf tradition?"

Fili smirk grew. "Bofur's braids mean that he is looking for a companion." Then he had to laugh at the deepening blush on the other's cheek.

"A… a companion as in… a wife?"

Fili recognized both the fear and the hope in his eyes, fondling remembering of the only day that Kili had braided his own hair. It had been one month after they had moved into their forge. He went to bathe himself after a hard day of work, and when he returned to have dinner, he found his brother waiting for him with the food ready and all of his dark strands locked in two braids. No one else had seen it because he had made sure that Kili didn't have to look too much.

"A companion as in a companion. We don't have many women in our race, so no choice made out of love is frowned upon." At least, _almost_ no choice, he thought to himself touching his moustache again.

"Oh. _Oh_!"

He allowed Bilbo sometime to muse about that. Fili doubted that the population of the Shire was as understanding when it came to love, judging by their distaste for adventures. The hobbit might as well think and ponder _a lot_ about what he learned before he made a harsh decision and ended up hurting Bofur, who was a gentle soul despite all of his teasing and lack of tact sometimes.

Nonetheless, he smiled softly at the constant deepening of the blush. If he had to guess, another dwarf would be braiding his moustache pretty soon.

"Balin and Dwalin." Bilbo said suddenly, keeping his eyes on the ground, still embarrassed "They have no braids at all. Their hair is actually short. Dwalin even shaves."

"The lack of braids has meaning as well." Fili went on with his explanation, deciding to indulge the hobbit and not press him about the previous type of braids they were discussing, even if this new topic might cause some awkward questions "To keep your hair short and braidless, or even shave your hair, shows a commitment of loyalty and servitude. Balin and Dwalin have sworn to dedicate their lives to the king, never looking for another distraction from their oath."

"Distraction? You mean…"

"Richness, titles, occupations… love… Their lives belong to the king." Fili explained curtly, hoping that the tightness that took hold of his throat wasn't noticeable. Hoping the hobbit to not notice something else, but Bilbo was proving to be a smart little fellow.

"Belong to Thorin." Bilbo concluded correctly before his eyes snapped to the other side of the camp "Kili has no braids either."

_My life is yours, brother. If you really have to fulfill this duty and be king, then my life is yours._

"No, he doesn't." Fili says simply, wanting to leave it at that, Kili's words from so long ago ringing in his ears. They had been only children of forty, then, but his brother had kept his oath, except for the day he had put the two braids just for Fili to see.

_For my love and for the king that you will be, my life is yours_. Kili reaffirmed his oath after the first time they made love.

"Did he dedicate his life to Thorin, then?"

"No!"

He knows he has startled the hobbit with his brusque answer, but this is the one thing that Fili cannot allow others to suppose if others decide to ponder over the matter. Kili is _his_ and his alone, pledged to the future king he was bound to be.

Most of the dwarves they knew simply thought that since he was young, his brother had no good reason to braid his hair yet, and they let them believe it was so. Fili was ready to play the part he was supposed to. He was ready to sacrifice his dreams to do what must be done, but Kili was the one thing that he wouldn't allow his uncle to have from him. Sometimes he was under the impression that Thorin knew that, even though they were not open about their relationship in front of him. Kili's oath was their biggest secret.

Truth to be told, he wished his brother didn't have to waste his life with him in that madness of keeping their struggling line alive. Fili was the same as any other dwarf, however, and never found the strength to give up on what he craved for. Nor would have Kili allowed it so… so he accepted the sickness of greed, it was just that his treasure was different from the others'.

The Halfling must have sensed the turmoil in him, because he moved on with his questions without pressing any further on the matter of lives belonging to kings.

"You said something about beard braids." Bilbo coughed, clearly disconcerted about earlier "What do these mean?"

"These are quite simple, actually." Fili answered, forcing his voice to abandon the possessive tone it had acquired for that brief moment. The hobbit had nothing to do with his problems.

"They mean bonds. Love bonds, that is. Braids on your beard mean that you are married, the number of clasps counting the number of years of the bonding. Mithril clasps show that you have children."

"Oh, I do remember Gloin saying that he is married and that there is a son waiting for him!" Bilbo said.

"As are Oin, Dori and Nori." Fili nodded "But only Gloin has produced a descendent."

"I understand that this is a rare happening among dwarves."

Fili nodded again, this time noticing how the hobbit was gripping his own hands again. Another question about Bofur, perhaps?

"Do the same rules apply for braids on moustaches?"

He rolled his eyes, not being able to avoid a smile, though. Fili had caught the Halfling observing him and Kili on occasion. Of course he would ask about his moustache.

"Again, you could have asked me directly about it."

"Well?" Bilbo looked sheepishly at him.

"Braids on your moustache mean that you have made a love compromise that can't be carried forward. Not everyone gets to marry, sometimes people are not corresponded by the one they love or just can't marry for one reason or another. But dwarves love only once in their entire lives, so they make it known to others that they are not available even if they are not married, because their heart is already taken." He explained, feeling that usual tug at his heart. Still, that reality was something he was already used to, by now. Brothers being soul mates was something that even dwarwish tradition had struggle in accepting. Fili barely minded these days… it didn't change the facts that they had been bound to each other. At least they had been lucky. If one did not return the other's feelings… he couldn't imagine what torture it would be.

"This is… sad." Bilbo says after a while, and the sympathetic look is back on his face again. He knew, Fili was certain now.

"I'll have you know that Bifur's moustache story is sadder than mine, Master Hobbit, so wipe this look from your face." He smirked at him, deciding to be open about it since there was no use in hiding it. The fact that there was no judging in Bilbo's eyes was a welcome sight, after so many years of being ashamed under their mother's incriminating gaze.

The hobbit smiled sadly at him, but tried to not look at him with pity and Fili was grateful for that. Pity gave too much space for him to think how damned he must be for loving his little brother more than he had a right to.

"Your braids… Your hair braids, I mean… they don't quite fit the other categories you've told me about."

What a curious and observant hobbit! Fili waved his head with a chuckle. Very well… he might as well explain it all, since he was so out in the open already.

"These are courting braids. You never do it on yourself, only the one who is courting you can make them. Couples who are in love but are still not married braid each other's hair in this manner, so they can let others know of their feelings. This doesn't have to stop after married, but most dwarves end up using just the beard braids so they have space for other kinds on their heads." He says, and once again he lets Bilbo work it out on his own.

"But if you have courting braids…" the hobbit begins after doing some thinking "… and those moustache braids… then…"

"Then I am showing to whoever wants to see that I am having a forbidden love affair, yes." Fili finished the sentence for him, feeling very braving for finally saying it aloud.

It was absurd. It had been the topic of many arguments between him and Kili. But his brother insisted that he kept the courting braids. _I want everyone to know that you are loved_. He always said, then he would mimic their mother's voice. _It does not befit an Heir of Durin to walk around showing that he cannot have the one he craves for._

Heirs of Durin always take what rightfully belongs to them, his mother used to say. Fili had taken Kili, and Kili had taken him. Most likely that was part of the reason they couldn't deny their uncle when he said he would take back Erebor. They had already robbed their family from heirs to come after Fili, they couldn't deny Thorin what he craved the most in the world.

"But… but Kili doesn't have any braid!" the hobbit interrupts his musings, a confused look on his face. He had assumed, correctly that Kili was the one that had braided, concluding then that he should braid Kili as well. Apparently he had not deduced that Kili was braidless because he had pledged his life to _him_, not to Thorin.

Fili observed him for a moment, measuring if he could trust this bit of information. The forbidden love affair was there on his braids for anyone who paid attention to see, but the oath… That was something serious. They had a living king, no one should make an oath to a king-to-be.

The look on Bilbo's face convinced him, though. This was a hobbit that was blushing after a dwarf. And if he ever ended up revealing to Bofur… Well, Thorin had taught him that he made allies by trusting them once.

"That's because Kili swore to never wear a braid. Because he is giving his life to a king. A king that is not yet king." He said at last, and saw comprehension slowly take over the hobbit's features.

They remained in a long silence after that.

Fili pondered about all the things he had revealed to their burglar, hoping he would not regret it. It was not just only for him, it was for Kili, too. His brother liked Bilbo, though, so Fili didn't think he would mind much. Besides, he knew that his brother really wanted someone to know about their arrangement, so that way someone would know how much they meant to each other. Kili wanted someone to be happy for them, happy that they had found love in a world where not many did. Truth to be told, Fili wanted it too.

Then a tiny hand was placed on his arm. Bilbo offered him a warm smile.

"Do dwarves have braids for friendship?"

Fili laughed. A warm feeling of being accepted spread through him.

"No, Master Baggins. We keep our friends around us, not in our hairs." He winked playfully at him "But I can teach you how to make a courting braid on Bofur's hair."

Bilbo blushed and then laughed with him.

He searched the camp with his eyes, looking for his possessions. He found him sitting atop a rock, Kili looking in his direction with curiosity.

Fili offered him a smile, and then pressed two fingers to his wrist pulse, using their coded Iglishmek. _I love you, brother._

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**It turned out a bit angsty, but I tried to give some hope at end.**

**I hope you've liked it!**


End file.
